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If they’re into shady stuff in the bedroom, it’s at the very least a code amber, or depending on the nature of it, a code red.

Don’t try and revolutionise the wheel and if you don’t want to have threeways, being watched by your neighbours, beaten etc – opt out.

If you don’t see the signs and recognise the disconnect, use this as a code red to check your own availability.

Bulk of communication by text and email etc – These lazy forms of communication are code amber.

These are the key things that you need to be very aware of and set as your limits.

Anything else is down to your own boundaries so it’s important to recognise what has made you uncomfortable in the past and why, what your values are, and ensure that actions match words and that what you’re doing is congruent with who you profess to be.

Wants to move in after you’ve known them a wet week? Sleeping With Others – If you’re OK with being part of a casual ‘relationship’, this is code amber as you still need to proceed with caution and ensure your own emotional and physical safety.

Some things are a flat out code red and I have marked it with FOCR.

Addicted to something (FOCR) – If you meet someone and they are addicted to something (gambling, sex, alcohol, drugs, etc) and not aware of it and doing something about it, this will impact on your life greatly if you continue.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that they’ll be this way with everyone else but you.

This is code red and it also covers narcissists – while they will charm you and disarm you, when they turn, they turn.

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